Nephi's Courage Read online

  Nephi’s Courage

  Story of a Bad Mormon

  Rory McFarlan

  All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Dedication

  To all God’s children, my sisters and brothers and siblings. He created each of us as we are. We are all divine. We are all human. We are all flawed. Every single one of us is beautiful.

  Trigger Warning: Content in this book contains discussion and portrayal of sexual violence, bullying, mental illness, mental health crisis, family conflict, and hospitalization which some may find triggering. If you need support at any time, please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

  Copyright © 2019 Rory McFarlan

  [email protected]

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN: 978-1-7341794-0-8

  Chapter 1

  Four years is a long time to serve in any calling but four years as executive secretary in a Bishopric seemed like an eternity. Try as he might, Nephi Willard couldn’t even remember his previous calling. He reflected on the time he spent working with Bishop Thompson over the years as he waited in the church foyer for the Bishop to arrive. While pacing back and forth, he reviewed the appointment schedule for the evening.

  Nephi was tall and thin. Some people, including his mother, would say too thin. His short, golden blond hair was well-styled. A single-breasted suit with jetted pockets hugged his figure. The blend of burgundy, orange and yellow on his narrow tie matched the leaves falling outside. He finished reviewing the agenda and checked his watch. Bishop Thompson should arrive any time now.

  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as the LDS Church, or the Mormon Church, there are no paid clergy. A Bishop, a man with no formal religious training and a day job unrelated to the church, leads each ward, or congregation.

  The Bishop is called of God by an inspired regional leader called a Stake President. The Bishop calls two counselors, who assist with his duties running the ward. Together, a Bishop and his counselors make up a Bishopric.

  The Bishop also calls an executive secretary to keep his calendar - that was Nephi’s job. A Bishop serves for about five years before being released, after which, the Stake calls another Bishop in his place.

  In similar fashion, the Bishop calls individual members of the ward to serve in various callings. Callings include positions like Sunday school teachers, music directors, organists, and other posts required to minister to the congregation.

  Nephi had served in many church callings in his life, but none as long as this one - four years as executive secretary to Bishop Thompson. As he thought about it, Bishop Thompson walked through the door.

  “Good evening, Brother Willard,” he said, shaking Nephi’s hand, “thanks for being here on a Thursday night. What do we have lined up?”

  “You have a temple recommend interview with Sister Gomez at 6:30, a birthday interview with Ethan Combs at 6:45, and Brother Johnston, a less active member who moved into the ward boundaries about a year ago, requested 30 minutes with you. I scheduled him from 7:00 to 7:30. If you can stay beyond that, I would like to meet with you,” replied Nephi.

  “Everything okay?” asked Bishop Thompson.

  “Yep,” said Nephi, “I just have something on my mind.”

  “Well alright then, I am happy to stay. I look forward to our conversation.”

  Bishop Thompson smiled and patted Nephi on the shoulder. The Bishop was a portly man with neatly combed brown hair and a fresh pressed well-worn suit. There were visible rub spots just below his knees– the result of countless hours kneeling in prayer. Bishop Thompson turned and headed into his office while Nephi waited outside to greet people. Sister Gomez soon arrived and Nephi shook her hand and smiled, an expression ever-present on his face.

  “Bishop is ready for you. Go on in,” said Nephi.

  Sister Gomez was there to renew her temple recommend. A temple recommend is a piece of paper signed by a member of the Bishopric in the ward and also by a member of the Stake Presidency, the regional leadership arm of the church. The signatures are given at the end of a worthiness interview.

  Members may not enter the temple to perform sacred ordinances unless they have a recommend. To meet the worthiness requirements, each member must be faithful in the church and obey the commandments. This includes honesty in dealings with others, obeying a health law called the Word of Wisdom, paying a full tithe, and obeying the law of chastity which requires abstinence from sexual relations before marriage and outside of marriage.

  Temple recommend interviews take about 15 minutes. During the interview, a member of the Bishopric asks questions to assess worthiness. A similar interview then takes place with a member of the Stake Presidency. Once the two clergymen and the interviewee sign the recommend, it can be used to enter the temple. The recommend is valid for two years, after which it must be renewed through the same process.

  While Sister Gomez met with Bishop Thompson, Nephi sat quietly in a soft chair in the foyer and looked up at the large painting of Jesus washing the feet of the apostles that hung on the wall. Nephi thought about how Jesus served others and the power of the statement he made by washing the feet of each apostle. Nephi loved Jesus and had a testimony of his divine mission as Savior and Redeemer of the world. He also had a firm testimony that the prophet Joseph Smith had seen God and Jesus and that he restored the fullness of the gospel to the earth under their direction.

  Nephi was the kind of Mormon that other Mormons admire. He had never tasted coffee, tea, or alcohol, which are forbidden by the Word of Wisdom, and wasn’t even tempted to do so. He was honest and kind, sincere and empathetic. Nephi loved people. He had never broken the law of chastity and despite being thirty years of age, had only ever kissed one girl, his best friend, Stacy.

  Nephi read from the Bible and the Book of Mormon every day, and faithfully served in every church calling assigned to him. Despite all of that, Nephi didn’t feel like a good Mormon. He had a pit in the bottom of his stomach as he contemplated his upcoming conversation with the Bishop.

  Bishop Thompson was a good man. He was earnest and cared about the members of his ward. He did his best to serve them with love and compassion. Nephi had grown up in this ward and lived here almost his entire life, all except for the two years he spent serving as a full time missionary in Albania. The Thompsons and the Willards were friends and Nephi knew Bishop Thompson and his family, which made him even more uneasy at the thought of their upcoming conversation.

  The motion of the door swinging open from outside interrupted Nephi’s discomfort. Ethan Combs arrived with his mother. Ethan just turned fourteen and was there for his annual interview with the Bishop. Every year, a Bishop meets with each member of his ward between the age of 12 and 18. He interviews them for worthiness and approves their advancement within the youth organization. Young men are given the Priesthood, or the authority to act in the name of God, to carry out righteous acts on His behalf.

  At 12, they are ordained to the office of Deacon and given the responsibility to pass the sacrament to the congregation each Sunday. The Sacrament is like communion in other religions. Each member of the church partakes of bread and water in remembrance of the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

  At 14, young men are ordained to the office of Teacher with the responsibility to prepare the bread and water for the sacrament and to teach the members of the ward. They are eligible to be ministering brothers to other members of the church. In this capacity, they visit people in their homes to teach them gospel messages and check on their well-being.

  At 16, young men are ordained to the office of Priest, with responsibility to bless the sac
rament, or say the special prayer to consecrate the bread and water before the congregation partakes of it. Priests also have the authority to baptize people.

  Young Women between the ages of 12 and 18 are grouped into similar classes but the Priesthood is not conferred upon them.

  Since Ethan had just turned 14, he would discuss worthiness with the Bishop and then schedule his ordination to the office of Teacher. Sister Combs was beaming with pride as she walked through the door.

  “Brother Willard, it’s so nice to see you,” she said.

  “It’s great to see you too, Sister Combs,” he replied, “Ethan, how are you doing? Are you enjoying school?”

  “School is okay, I guess,” said Ethan.

  “Ethan is first chair Tuba!” his mother added, her voice nearing a shout.

  “Wow, that is impressive,” Nephi said, “I don’t think I could even hold an instrument that large for more than five minutes.”

  Ethan laughed a little under his breath and cracked a smile, revealing new braces on his teeth. He had wavy red hair, not the strawberry kind, more the red golden retriever kind. His face was spotted with freckles and his movement was awkward, not yet having grown into his body. He was tall for his age with broad shoulders that stretched his shirt. It was no surprise that he played a large instrument.

  “Bishop is still in an appointment but should be with you shortly,” said Nephi. “Take a seat.”

  Ethan and Sister Combs sat down on the sofa on the other side of the foyer below the painting. Nephi made small talk with them while they waited for Bishop Thompson to finish with Sister Gomez.

  Sister Gomez soon emerged and Bishop welcomed Ethan into his office. Nephi sat back in the soft foyer chair while Sister Combs chatted with Sister Gomez. They were rambling on about an upcoming Relief Society quilting activity. Nephi’s mind began to wander.

  Relief Society is the women’s organization in the church. Each ward has a Relief Society President, who provides leadership to the women in the congregation and coordinates efforts to enhance the well-being of all ward members. The Relief Society President selects two other women as counselors, and a third as secretary.

  Collectively, they are called the Relief Society Presidency. The women in the ward meet in Relief Society meeting every other week on Sunday where they teach lessons tailored to their needs. At least once per month, they sponsor an activity on a weeknight that provides an opportunity for fellowshipping, service, fun, and learning.

  As Sister Combs and Sister Gomez continued their conversation, Nephi’s mind drifted back to his upcoming conversation with Bishop Thompson. Nephi had spoken with the Bishop many times about the topic and they understood each other. They shared a brotherly bond. Despite that, Nephi was anxious. He worried that their relationship, one he valued, might change after tonight. His mind wavered with second thoughts about the discussion, but ultimately found his conviction and determined to share the things that troubled him regardless of the consequences.

  The door to the Bishop’s office opened and Bishop Thompson thanked Ethan and shook his hand.

  “I look forward to seeing you set apart on Sunday,” the Bishop told Ethan, who re-joined his mother as she was wrapping up her conversation with Sister Gomez.

  The trio headed out the door just as Brother Johnston arrived. Brother Johnston was a burly man, balding on top. His sandy hair went almost to his shoulder, and he sported an unruly beard. The length of his hair and his beard were both unusual for a member of the church, which discourages both beards and long hair for men. Such grooming practices are not permitted for full time missionaries or those who attend church-owned colleges and universities. For the church at large, it is not an official rule, but an unspoken one.

  “Brother Johnston, I presume?” asked Nephi.

  The man nodded and extended his hand. Nephi grasped it, a warm smile on his face.

  “I am Brother Willard. I spoke to you on the phone,” said Nephi. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Brother Johnston could tell that Nephi really meant it from the sincere tone in his voice and the warmth of his smile. His shoulders relaxed and a hint of a smile found its way to his face.

  “Let me introduce you to Bishop Thompson,” Nephi said, gesturing toward the Bishop. “He is one of the best men I know.”

  Bishop Thompson shook Brother Johnston’s hand and welcomed him into the office and closed the door, leaving Nephi alone to his thoughts. Nephi had no idea why Brother Johnston wanted to meet with the Bishop because a Bishop’s meetings are confidential. As executive secretary, Nephi scheduled the appointments and sometimes knew the context, especially for routine concerns such as youth birthday interviews and temple recommends, but for most meetings, the purpose was between the individual and the Bishop.

  Brother Johnston hadn’t been to church in the time he lived in the ward. LDS wards are assigned based on geographic boundaries as opposed to leaving choice of congregation up to individuals. Unlike churches where parishioners determine the best fit based on personal preference, the ward to which Mormons are assigned is based solely on where they live. In some cases, one could move directly across the street and end up attending an entirely different church building.

  Society likes labels. We like to put people in boxes and make assumptions about them based on their box– Republican or Democrat, fat or skinny, rich or poor, etc. The LDS church is no exception. People who are part of the church are called “members” while anyone who is not Mormon is a “non-member”. Within the church, members are subdivided into even smaller boxes.

  Those who attend church are placed in the “active” box while those who don’t are “inactive” or “less active.” Someone who is learning about the church is called an “investigator”, and a person born in the church but who may or may not attend regularly and does not follow the rules is affectionately known as a “jack-Mormon.”

  Then there are those who were once members of the church but have either been excommunicated or asked to be removed from the records of the church. Depending on their attitude toward the church, they are labeled either “ex-Mormon” or “anti-Mormon”.

  Like all labels humans give to each other, Mormon labels comes with stereotypes. The more we believe that stereotype, the more we will see the behaviors that we associate with it. We see what we want to see and our judgements often become self-fulfilling prophesy.

  Brother Johnston, who has not attended church since moving to the area, is an “inactive” member. The stereotype that goes along with being an inactive member is that he is someone with a weak testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, or someone who lacks faith.

  Many would assume that he doesn’t come to church because he is a sinner who is too proud to repent or someone who survived on the testimony of his parents as a youngster and never developed his own. Nephi wasn’t one to buy into stereotypes. He didn’t know why Brother Johnston didn’t come to church and didn’t much care, but he genuinely wanted well for him and would love to see him come back to church, not because he judged him as a sinner, but because he knew that Brother Johnston, like everyone, had much to contribute. Nephi believed that he would be happier when taking part in church.

  Nephi’s thoughts turned to the upcoming conversation with Bishop Thompson. His stomach churned, it seemed to be tied in knots.

  Nephi pondered his concerns and looked for direction in the same place he always did when he had nowhere else to go. He kneeled on the floor of the foyer, head bowed and eyes closed, and rested his folded arms on the soft foyer chair as he poured out his heart to God.

  “My Dear Father in Heaven,” he prayed, “I come before thee with humble heart. Father, I don’t know what to do. Thou knows my heart, my intentions, and my deepest desires. Thou knows that I love thee and want to follow thy will. I ask thee to help me understand and accept thy will for me.”

  “Please, Father, help me know what to say and how to say it when I speak with Bishop Thompson tonight. Please ble
ss my mind with clarity and bless me with strength and the ability to speak the things that are weighing on my mind and my heart and bless me with thy spirit. I ask thee to bless Bishop Thompson with inspiration to advise and guide me.”

  “I love thee and trust thee. Father, I thank thee for sending thy son, Jesus Christ, to atone for my sins and to take my faults upon Him. Thank you for providing a way for me to return to live with thee through Him. Help me serve in my calling and to do so in a manner pleasing to thee. Father, please help me understand thy will and thy plan for me. I thank thee for the knowledge of the restored gospel and a testimony of my Savior. I thank thee for the Book of Mormon and the spirit that I feel when I read it. I thank thee for my many blessings and I acknowledge thy hand them. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

  Nephi stayed on his knees after finishing the prayer and silently pondered and concentrated on his feelings, seeking inspiration. He felt a peace come over his body. His nerves relaxed, and he was assured that he would have the strength to discuss with the Bishop the things that weighed on his mind.

  He heard the Bishop’s door open and slowly rose to his feet. Brother Johnston and Bishop Thompson returned to the foyer and Nephi shook Brother Johnston’s hand.

  “It was truly a pleasure to meet you, Brother Johnston, I hope to get to know you better. Whenever you are at church, you are welcome to sit with me,” said Nephi.

  “Thanks, Brother Willard. It was nice to meet you too. I just might take you up on that.” With a smile, he turned and left the building.

  “Thanks again for being here with me tonight, Brother Willard. Take a seat in my office. Let’s have that conversation,” said Bishop Thompson as he escorted Nephi into the office and closed the door.

  Chapter 2